| I am going to off myself |
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| 09:54pm 20/02/2009 |
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I am being completely serious... i hate my life... this place, this roommate, this job, this school, i have no one and i can't take it anymore. I want to die. |
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| fin |
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| 11:51pm 04/01/2009 |
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I am going to kill myself. I am not joking... I haven't figured out how yet but i will. I hate feeling sad all the time, i hate doing things i know are wrong just so i don't feel alone 10 minute, i hate myself for everything that i am and for everything i do. its over i am sick of it i can't take it anymore. |
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| Dear Emily |
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| 05:01am 19/12/2008 |
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You are a crazy bitch and you make my life miserable. I hate everything about you how you always have to be the victim, how I am always the one to blame. Fuck you you selfish cunt. how dare you accuse me of not being there, i listen to your nightly fucking rants about your failures, how dare you say that i am uncaring. you have never asked me how i was, not once in the six months i have lived with you. do you even care that i cry myself to sleep at night, or that i can't ever remember being happy. you remember when you said you were sad today and felt like you were acting thats how i feel all the time since i can remeber. how dare you compare my life to yours, we all have problems bitch, i don't fuck up million dollar deals everyday but i have my own shit. and i have been though so much that you will never know, and i'll never trust you with, you are lying manipulitive little whore and i honestly can say you manage to make even me feel worse in your presence. you will drive yourself and everyone around you in to the ground you are delusiounal, and have severe problems... blame it on stress if you want but you have always been like this and before me there was erin who i am sure will agree |
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| Eat, Drink, and be Miserable |
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| 02:07am 16/12/2008 |
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mood:  crappy music: The Oblongs
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Well I gained 30lbs in the last few months… but I lost 5lb this week. I am considering it a victory. I hate Big Boy with a seething passion, I hate Grand Valley more, I hate living with my sister the most. I want to move far far away and marry a millionaire… I will settle for not crying myself to sleep five nights a week. Also Justin and are done for good I think it was definitely a chapter I needed to end but it still hurts, its like a part of me is gone and I will never get it back. The best part. |
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| Pearl St. Big Boy |
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| 11:48pm 18/10/2008 |
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mood:  grumpy
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Today made me seriously want to kill myself, my sister is crazy and a bitch, my job sucks ass, i'm incapable of doing anything, and i want someone i really can't have... all of which are bound to kill me inside. I am becoming a bad person and its not happening slowly any more. Everything i had and everything i was are slowly slipping away... at one point i was fun, adventurous, exciting, innocent, and happy not to mention then i just liked to drink instead of needing to drink and i had friends, sadly i was also 15. not to mention my cats a whore and i am going to kill her, and grand rapids has become a very friendly hell for me. |
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| 12:04am 31/05/2008 |
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I'm drinking beer by myself, wishing pain upon others, and listening to angry girl music... i really hope this feeling goes away as fast as it came on. |
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| Booty Calls and My Crazy Crazy Ex-boyfriends |
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| 08:07pm 12/05/2008 |
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So I use to have needs that weren't being taken care of, so i've decided not to have needs anymore... until well they can be taken care of. So Jesse answered my phone when my ex-boyfriend called and although hilarious, Dustin is fucking obsessed with beating Jesses ass now and won't stop calling me. And i'm pretty sure Justin is in the army now. |
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| snap, crackle, pop |
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| 11:33pm 29/04/2008 |
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so i forgot about lj and my password but considering i only use three it didn't take me long to remember. so i googled everyone and everyone in my life (including myself) is so lame nothing came up. except for one person and that was someones lj post talking shit about them. |
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| fade |
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| 07:26pm 04/11/2007 |
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i want to die, or stop crying |
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| I just don't know what to do with myself |
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| 01:27am 04/11/2007 |
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here is a message to:
all the boys i love who don't love me back
all the boys i will always love and hate
all the friends that aren't there for me
all the people who never realized i'm the only one who cared
all the people who never meant to hurt me
all the ex boyfriends holding up pizza signs at the corner
all the the people who have uttered the "words i love you but i'm not in love with you"
all the people i acted like a doormat for
all the girls who never blame their boyfriend when he cheats (all the girls like me)
all the people who pretend like they know me, or that they cared
all the people who didn't care enough to lie
fuck all of you, i'm not saying i regret it. i just wish you weren't around to see me cry. |
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| tb |
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| 05:31pm 22/10/2007 |
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mood: depressed
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i feel like death, and i keep crying because i have no friends, i had maybe one or two and they are kind of over me i'm thinking. i can't breath, i paid $45 for a tattoo, that is now just some ugly ass scar and i basically wouldn't mind if this was my last day on earth.
i feel like its literally me against the world, and the world is kicking my ass. |
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| I hate life. |
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| 03:23pm 04/09/2007 |
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mood: depressed
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I am very depressed, lonely, and really pissed off at the world.
Looking for someone to assist in suicide. please get a hold of me, thanks. |
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| somebody kill me please |
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| 12:37am 13/06/2007 |
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mood: depressed
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i just felt my heart break.
it hurt very badly, it was pure agony.
i wish i didn't let this happen, i did though so know i have to pay.
i wish i couldn't feel anything.
to never be happy, would be worth never feeling like this.
this is the second man to break my heart he was not the first but i can only pray he will be the last. |
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| you can know yourself and no one else |
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| 08:00pm 08/06/2007 |
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mood:  blank
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i had a bad day, week, year, now that i'm looking at it, life. not in comparison to some other people, but it definitely could have been better. i realized nothing is as it seems, and to rely on anyone is genuine misjudgment. there are no soul mates, no one that will always be there, there are however some who can make you life even if they can be a bitch too, and those who can make things seem a little bit better for a moment and you have to praise god if you are lucky enough to even find that. i praise god. i do however wish i was somewhere else, far away. i'm crying not sure why reflection mostly, i've never been truly happy for a period longer than a week. |
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| Fuck all of you |
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| 02:01pm 14/05/2007 |
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mood:  pissed off
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Maybe i am selfish and a judgmental bitch, but lets face it so are you. And do you honestly think i mean everything i say, do you? of course i don't think all poor people should die. maybe i say things as a joke, or maybe i know you will always disagree so i just say fuck it, we need something to talk about. i am not a bad person, and fuck you hypocritical, judgmental bastards. |
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| 03:07pm 01/05/2007 |
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mood: heartbroken
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i fuck up a lot and my life continues to get more fucked up.
sorry everybody i am a crazy bitch and it be better if i wasn't in your lives i know, but i am so sorry. just know i never wanted to be like this, i had much better plans, but like always i came up short. no one deserves a friend like me. |
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| Sometimes you feel like dying |
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| 10:11pm 16/04/2007 |
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mood: sad
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I know this sounds terrible but i feel like i should just stop trying. i feel weighed down and i just want to cry and sleep and not move. i don't think my cousin is going to hang in much longer it is really scary she is only sixteen. i wish i could help her. i realized today i don't have a lot of friends a pretended like i didn't care, but i wanted to run and cry. i am just sad, but lately i have pretended a lot i think people might just think i am a bitch now. |
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| how the mighty have fallen |
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| 04:26pm 03/04/2007 |
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mood:  calm
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life is kind of confusing
i never seem to get what or who i want or what i need.
but i am moving on, my goal is to be stress free i am trying to distance myself from sadness, drama, and crisis. i want to be there for my friends going through it but i'm honestly no longer of use to them, instead advice on how to help the situation i think i tell them to stop whining and then ignore the situation.
I have come to the conclusion LIFE SUCKS sometimes, and i don't blame anyone for complaining but eventually you have to GET OVER IT and try to enjoy the rare good times, sulky your entire life won't get you anywhere.
Second conclusion i do miss the past, how things used be, and some friends that i feel are fleeting.
i wish i was still the girl i was, and things had never changed. |
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| Please don't let me be myself |
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| 11:12pm 28/12/2006 |
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mood: unsatisfied
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I don't think that i am having a very good break.
From the beginning i found myself in a bit of trouble and grounded.
Then immediately after i had my wisdom teeth pulled, and thanks to my amazing pain tolerance/ love of eating, did not lose any weight... they only part of the ordeal i was looking forward to.
I really miss someone, there still here but they haven't been the same for a long time.
I miss how we use to be, i am terrified that we will never find that again, because it is what is so desperately long for.
I really love him, i wish he understood that, and loved me like he used to. |
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| Throwing in the towl |
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| 10:02pm 19/12/2006 |
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mood: aggravated
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I just get tired sometimes. Tired of the people i am around, and the places i go, the things i do. I'd like to go away for a week or so, and be someone else, not like me at all. Then come back and see if i feel the same or if things have changed.
Backstabbing is very mean, and as the proverb says to on to others as you would want done on to you, so i will never say an unkind word behind ones back (unless i have said it to their face), and in hope they will do the same.
Those who have been backstabbing little gossipy cunts i know who you are, and trust me you have lost favor with me. |
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